plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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