How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
