Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
