return my video game
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
