so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
