Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
