I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My penis needs a shock collar
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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