maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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