can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize