: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
