My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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