I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
