you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
