she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
