shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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