I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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