Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
