exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
