hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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