her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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