Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
