I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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