life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
