He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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