the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
