I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize