any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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