I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
