He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
