I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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