O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
