I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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