Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
