I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said her name was "party"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
