so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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