pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
