I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
