like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize