she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
