Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
