He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
