I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
