Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
