I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
