does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
