i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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