I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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