I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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