.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
