He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
