Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
