Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
