Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
