just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
