My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
