Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
