I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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