you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize