All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
