i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
