Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize