Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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