Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
