My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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