would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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