How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
