When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
