I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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