I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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