Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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