he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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