I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize