at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
