No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
