True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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