ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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