I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
