i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
