I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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