I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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