You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
