i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
