fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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