I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Mom said you looked used
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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