There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
