if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
