Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
