I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
