she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
