My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
