i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
