My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
