Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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