Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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