i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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