what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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