And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
