So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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