I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
