But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
