Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
