I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
