just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
